Three articles of Civil Service: it takes longer to do things quickly; it is more expensive to do them cheaply; it is more democratic to do them in secret
Civil servants are grown like oak trees, not mustard and cress.
A: tell him the unions won't wear it.
B: but they like it!
A: that's beside the point.
A: well, if I might suggest...that we be realistic about this.
B: by realistic, you mean drop the whole scheme?
A: oh, dear me, no! but perhaps, a pause to re-group, allow us to reassess the situation and discuss alternative strategies? a space of time for mature reflection and deliberation?
B: ...yes you mean drop the whole scheme.
A: you are not saying that government the Britain is important?
B: no! it is very important! it's just that I haven't met anyone who's doing it!
A: in the past all local government reforms rebound on us. whenever anybody finds a way of saving money or cutting staff in local government, you find it works for Whitehall just as well!
B: yes, but local government is extravagant, overstaffed, incompetent, whereas we...Σ( ° △ °|||)︴
A：╮(￣▽￣")╭
A: if he does need something to keep him busy, you know what to do? get him to look into civil defense.
B: Civil defense? you mean fallout shelters?o(*≧▽≦)ツ
A: yes, government long ago decided that civil defense was not a serious issue.
B: oh, merely a desperate one!o(*≧▽≦)ツ
A: and it is best left to those whose incompetence can be relied upon.
B: local authorities!o(*≧▽≦)ツ
A: people of local government are either self-centered busy bodies on an ego trip and the other half do it for what they can get out of it.
B: perhaps they ought to be in the House of Commons.
A: where did you get the idea for this dangerous nonsense?!!!
B: from someone...in the department.
A: minister! I have warned you before about the danger of speaking to people in the department! I implore you to stay out of the minefield of local government. it is a political graveyard.
C: excuse me, sir Humphrey, but you cannot have a graveyard in a minefield, because all the corpses would....powwwwww!
A: if local authorities don't send us statistics that we asked for, then the government figures will be a nonsense.
B: why?
A: they'll be incomplete!
B: but government figures are a nonsense anyway.
C: I think A wants to ensure they are complete nonsense.
If the minister is restless, he can feed the ducks in St Jame's Park!
Obviously I'm not a trained lawyer or I wouldn't have been in charge of the Legal Unit!!
Minister: Non-event?
Humphrey: Oh, a brilliant triumph for you of course, minister.
Minister: hmmm.
Humphrey: which is why it's a futile non-event for the press.
A: it's perfectly all right, as long as nobody knows.
B: shouldn't we tell minister?
A: certainly not!
B: but if everybody knows!
A: everybody else. we do not let a minister know what everybody else knows.
A: I can't believe it! are you saying that winning at corruption is government policy?
B: no, no! minister! It could never be government policy! that is unthinkable! ......only government practice...╮(￣▽￣")╭
A: Everything wrong is not having an integrated policy.
B: But we did have a policy before.
A: Did we?
B: Yes, it was our policy not to have a policy.
The ship of state is the only ship that leaks from the top!
